I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
