I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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