i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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