My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
