Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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