I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
