also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
