remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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