Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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