my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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