Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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