I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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