DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
