Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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