If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
