i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
