Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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