Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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