Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Your cock deserves a montage
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
