I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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