you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
time to smoke my breakfast
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Someone signed my nipple.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
