I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
