I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
