i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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