If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
