heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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