She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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