he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
