You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
