I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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