Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize