Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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