mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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