I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The best revenge is premature balding
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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