My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
