Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
