Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
