Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We need a shit load of segways right now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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