There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
