Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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