I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize