I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
