i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
