He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
