i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
