She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
