Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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