Your mouth is God's brothel.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
