his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
