I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
