Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
