i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
