You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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