I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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