Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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