chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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