Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
