I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize