theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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