He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
