I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
