My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
