today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
