This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
