Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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