no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
