When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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