ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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