Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
