she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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