Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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