i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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