I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
